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Fanfic for one of the best Dave/Tavros stories out there: The Irony of Bubblemates, by Brodad. If you have not read it, you really, REALLY need to. This is only a shadow, intended as tribute and appreciation. Also, this won't entirely make sense without having read the rest.
Title: The Irony of Dreams
Series: Homestuck
Pairing: Dave Strider/Tavros Nitram
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: m/m sex
Length: 5658
Not all dreams are good memories for Tavros
She was smirking at him. She was smirking, and it wasn't even her normal smug, 'you are lower than the worms in the ground I walk on' look. It was an expression that made him feel like... like...
Prey, whispered a part of his mind that shouldn't exist, because trolls were predators and they shouldn't even know what it felt like to be prey. And maybe he only knew because he'd communed with prey animals, but in that moment, he definitely understood exactly how they felt.
The air rushing past his ears was too loud for him to hear her laugh, and then the cliff rose up enough to cut off the sight of her. Only it wasn't the cliff that was rising, it was him that was falling, falling, and oh gog it was so far but not far enough because the ground was coming up fast...
The impact was enough to knock the breath out of him, and that was the only thing that kept him from screaming. He flailed, shocked that he was still alive to flail, and wheezed with further pain when his arm struck something solid and metal.
Metal?
Though it only took a moment to force his eyes open, his dazed mind required longer than that to actually process what he was seeing. Instead of the sky above his cliffside home, there was a white-painted ceiling above him. A familiar ceiling, one that matched the familiar voice he now realized was calling him over the ringing in his ears.
"Dave?" he managed to gasp out, as he shifted his eyes enough to see the bed he was lying next to. The human youth who would have been his matesprit, except he wasn't allowed to use that word so he didn't, was leaning over the side giving him an ironically amused look Tavros could read despite his shades.
"Tav?" Dave echoed, with exactly the same inflection though not the lack of air. "What the hell, man, did you decide it would be cooler to sleep on the floor after all? After all that bitching about me not wanting to cuddle..."
"No, uh, I don't..." Tavros pushed himself up on his elbows, lifting his head enough to let him shake it without his horns smacking the ground. Unfortunately it didn't do much to clear his thoughts, but the racing of his heart was finally calming as he convinced himself it had only been a dream. "I think I fell out of bed?"
"You fell out of bed," Dave repeated flatly, quirking an eyebrow at him. "What are you, five?"
"Uh, what? What does my age have to do with it?" Tavros asked, even more confused.
"Most people learn not to fall out of bed by the time they're past that age," Dave told him, and Tavros was sure he was rolling his eyes. Not that he could see the other boy's eyes behind his shades, and not that he'd have been able to tell anyway since their dead eyes had no pupil or even really any iris, but he was pretty good at figuring out Dave's expressions now.
"Why do humans, uh, sleep in something that takes them years not to learn to fall out of, anyway?" He asked, pushing himself up a little further. "I dreamed I was falling and I guess I, uh, rolled out of bed. Or maybe I fell and that made me dream about it?" He shuddered a little, willing the memory further from his mind. He hadn't had that dream in a long time, maybe not in the entire time he'd been here with Dave in their bubble.
Maybe it was because he'd had the use of his legs back from the moment he'd died and ended up here, so he hadn't thought much about that moment in forever. But now that their dream selves were dead, their dreams were always memories, so it wasn't really surprising that eventually that particular memory would come back to haunt him. Just to reassure himself that he still could, he wiggled his toes.
Nothing happened.
Dave was talking, probably coming up with a totally sick comeback that would leave Tavros squirming like a grub in embarrassment, but he missed the words as he stared at his feet in shock. Again he tried to wiggle his toes, then to flex his foot, and then to bend his knee. Growing desperate, he tried to move the other leg, any way at all.
Nothing happened.
A low moan filled his ears, but he didn't realize he was the one making it until Dave shook him by the shoulders, forcibly drawing his attention. The shaking continued even after he looked up and Dave let him go, quickly spreading over his whole body. The upper half of his body, anyway. His legs still didn't even twitch. He clamped one hand over his mouth to stifle the sound, or maybe to stop himself from being sick, he wasn't sure, because his stomach was certainly churning enough for him to want to throw up.
"Tav, what the fuck, man?" Under different circumstances, Tavros might have teased his friend for the way concern broke through his customary cool-guy facade, just a bit. At the moment, he was having too much trouble remembering how to breathe.
Somehow he managed to find words, but they didn't seem to want to emerge in any coherent order. "No, I can't, not again, can't be, not like this, oh please gog no, why..."
"Tavros!" Dave sounded caught between concern and irritation, now. "Would you just chill for a second, dude? Take a deep breath. Yeah, that's it, now another," he coaxed as Tavros shakily obeyed his order. "All right, better. Now, you wanna take another stab at telling me what's wrong? In English, this time?"
English? Oh, right, Dave didn't speak the troll language. It was something Tavros had made use of a time or two, when speaking to the other trolls about him, but in his panic he'd forgotten and lapsed into his native tongue.
"I can't... I can't move my legs," he got out between chattering teeth.
"What?" Dave actually shoved his shades up to get a better look at him, like he thought Tavros might be pulling the mother of all pranks on him and it would show in the troll's face if he stared hard enough. "Fuck, are you serious?"
"I was, oh gog, I was dreaming about... ab-bout the night that I fell off the, uh, cliff, and... now I can't move my legs." Tavros was freaking out, but he was pretty sure he was allowed to, when his worst nightmare had just come to life again.
"Well... fuck." That seemed to be the only thing Dave could come up with to answer him. Looking up into his faintly pink-tinted eyes, Tavros couldn't find a better word, either.
Fuck pretty much summed it up.
"Well, the good news is, it's all in your head."
"Uhhh, what?" Tavros stared at Aradia, sure that he'd misheard. All in his head? He knew what it felt like to be paralyzed, and it felt exactly like this. How could it be all in his head?
"Remember when Dave's shoulder was injured, and he woke up healed but still feeling the pain? It's like that," Aradia said gently. Her smile was sympathetic, but Tavros wasn't really feeling comforted. "Your subconscious has been reminded that your back was broken, and so it expects you not to be able to move your feet. So you can't."
"How can you, you know, be so sure?"
"Because the rest of your body hasn't changed," she explained. "If you had truly reverted to the state you were in when you were paralyzed, then you'd look like you were six sweeps again. You don't, so it's not a physical change, just a mental one."
"But I can't feel anything, either," Tavros said, fisting his hands against his inert thighs. He'd pinched himself earlier, hard enough to draw blood even with his artificially blunted claws, and hadn't felt so much as a twinge.
"Because you believe you shouldn't be able to," Aradia insisted.
"So does that mean it'll go away on its own in a couple days, like my shoulder?" Dave asked. He was leaning in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest in a classic coolkid pose, and anyone else might have thought he didn't care one way or the other about the whole thing. Tavros could see the worry in the tense set of his muscles.
"That's the bad news, I'm afraid," Aradia said, almost apologetic. "Your subconscious knew that your arm would heal eventually, and so it did. But..."
"Spines don't heal," Tavros whispered, finished the sentence for her. He was shaking again, hard enough to rattle his teeth, hard enough that the bed frame squeaked in protest beneath him. "My, uh, subconscious knows that, so... it won't ever heal?"
The thought was beyond terrifying. It was scarier than when they'd faced the final boss, scarier than when the demon Jack had first appeared and ruined their session. Scarier even than the moment when Vriska had run him through with his own lance, tossing him off the edge into the abyss.
"No, fuck that, that shit is not cool," Dave proclaimed, pushing away from the doorframe, staring between Aradia and Tavros. "That shit is so uncool it is a steaming pile of shit. My bubble, my rules, and my rules say nothing that uncool is allowed to exist within a hundred mile radius of here. Fuck. No."
Tavros hadn't thought it would be possible for him to feel any worse, but Dave's words ate into his chest like the other boy was trying to physically tear his heart out. Aradia and Dave were still talking, but the sound of the words was drowned out by the buzzing in Tavros' ears. He hunched in on himself, reflexively trying to pull his knees up to his chest to hide against, and choking on a sob when he couldn't.
There was always a part of him, a small part that he tried hard to defeat with his Confidence but which never went away completely, that worried that he wasn't good enough for Dave. That he wasn't cool enough, awesome enough, that eventually Dave would get tired of him and his constant clinging and insecurities. He knew, he knew that Dave cared about him, but the fact that it was nearly impossible to get the coolkid to actually say so made Tavros doubt, just a little.
Now that doubt was exploding in his chest, threatening to eat him alive. Of course Dave wouldn't want to have to coddle a cripple for the rest of their unlife. Of course he wouldn't want to be forced to haul Tavros from the bedroom to the living room and back again, let alone help him do things like use the ablution trap or the load gaper.
Of course he wouldn't want a - boyfriend, matesprit, lover, whatever - who couldn't even feel his own equipment below the waist, let alone do anything with it.
"Equius," he blurted out desperately, struggling hard not to give in to the sobs clawing their way up his throat. "Equius could, uh, build me legs, again?" Getting his legs hacked off with a chainsaw had definitely been one of the worst experiences of his entire life, but maybe it wouldn't be so bad if Dave did it with his sword, instead? It wouldn't solve the problem of them not being able to have sex, but maybe that wouldn't be a deal breaker by itself?
"Unfortunately, while that might work in the short term, the first time you slept your body would reset itself again, and you'd have your legs back," Aradia reminded him. "You'd have to go through the process every time you sleep."
"That, uh, doesn't sound appealing, no," he conceded, wincing. He could stand it once more, if he had to. But over and over and over again? And even if he tried to stay awake forever, which he technically could in the bubble, he'd probably fall asleep of sheer boredom at some point, while Dave was sleeping if nothing else.
"My arm healed a lot faster than it 'should' have," Dave said, arms crossed again and his 'uncaring' facade mostly back in place. "And you said that was 'cause I was using the arm like it wasn't hurt, and that convinced my mind that it really wasn't. So all we have to do is convince his body that his nerves are working just fine, am I right?"
"That might work," Aradia said, nodding with a hopeful expression. "And also, the next time you sleep you might reset, Tavros, since you will most likely dream of a time when you could use your legs just fine."
He perked up at that. "Yeah, that, uh, that seems like a good possibility. I'm going to, just go to sleep right now, then." With renewed determination he pushed himself down on the bed until he was lying flat, burrowing into the covers. He'd only woken up a little while ago, and he wasn't in the least sleepy after the adrenaline terror of discovering his legs weren't working, but he would darn well lie there and count woolbeasts forever if he had to.
"Uh, good night?" he prompted when the other two just stood there blinking at him, like they were surprised by his actions.
Dave made a muffled sound that might have been him covering a chuckle, or might equally have been him biting off a curse. Aradia didn't bother to hide her soft giggle. "Good night, then, Tavros," she said, leaning over to kiss him gently on the forehead. He blushed a little and mumbled something in return, pulling the sheet up over his face despite the heat, so she wouldn't see.
Strong fingers brushed over his where he clutched the sheet, too callused to belong to Aradia, surely. But when he peeked out from under the sheet again, he found himself alone in the room, door shut and lights off.
Biting his lip and hoping he hadn't imagined that brief, comforting contact, Tavros closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep.
Two 'days' later, whatever that meant in this strange place where time did not exist, Tavros was well past frantic and into full-blown panic. He hadn't managed to do more than doze that first morning, and when he'd awoken just as paralyzed as when he'd laid down, he'd shakily assured himself that it was only because he hadn't slept properly. Since then, however, he'd slept twice, and there was no sign of improvement in his condition.
Likely because all of his dreams had been either focused on that moment on the cliff, or during the sweep that had followed, when he'd been learning to live with his handicap. There was no way to direct his dreaming, and perhaps because his predicament was all he could think about, it was also all he could dream about.
A quick trip by Dave to Tavros' hive had yielded his old wheeled transportation device, but to Tavros' dismay it proved too bulky for the narrow halls and doorways of Dave's apartment. Tavros was forced to let Dave carry him from one room to another, and he refused to eat or drink anything so he would at least be spared the utter humiliation of needing Dave to help him use the load gaper.
Dave bore it all stoically, his face as unreadable as ever, though Tavros could feel the tension in his body when he carried the troll somewhere and it wasn't all from the strain of effort. Beyond that first outburst he never said a word to make Tavros think he resented the necessity, but Tavros was certain that he must. Finally the troll couldn't take it any longer.
"I should g-go," he stammered miserably as Dave settled him onto the futon in the living room.
"What, you wanna go back to the bedroom already?" Dave asked, raising an eyebrow at him behind his shades. "I just got you out here, dude. Or are you getting off on having a cool kid like me waiting on you hand and foot? I guess I can't blame you..."
"No, no, that's, uh, that's not it at all," Tavros exclaimed, horrified that Dave would think that. Getting off on it? "I would never, that's completely, and anyway I can't even, uhhhh... I wouldn't do that." He was blushing horribly again, he was sure of it. The subject of his inability to 'perform' hadn't come up, largely because of the fact that Dave hadn't so much as touched him since this had started, except to carry him from one place to another or help him make himself comfortable where he sat. Tavros didn't really want to bring it up now.
Especially since the realization of the uncharacteristic lack of contact only made him all the more certain that he was wearing out his welcome. Dave was far from being the touchy-feely type - as he liked to describe Tavros' constant desire for physical contact - but normally he was a willing and even eager initiator in their daily make-out sessions.
"I should go," he repeated, hunching his shoulders and curling up on himself as best he could. "To my, uh, own hive or something. It's stupid, for you to have to carry me like this."
"Dude, we've been over this, we are not living in your hive," Dave said, rolling his eyes as he sat on the futon next to Tavros. "Way too much of your shit is biological, it's fucking gross over there, slime and eggshells and god knows what everywhere. Just, no."
Gulping, Tavros looked down, because it was nearly killing him to say this and he knew he wouldn't be able to do it while looking at Dave. "I didn't mean, that you should come with me," he mumbled, barely able to force the words past the lump in his throat.
There was no answer for so long that Tavros started to wonder if Dave had even heard him. But if he hadn't, he'd have been saying something else by now, right? The silence stretched out until Tavros was ready to snap from tension, and finally he just had to look up.
He found Dave staring back at him through the ever-present shades, expression completely flat. The moment he saw that he had Tavros' attention he spoke, a single word, voice devoid of emotion. "Why."
"B-because..." Oh, gog, he was going to start crying, but now that his eyes were locked with Dave's he couldn't seem to look away again. "You shouldn't, have to do this, it's, uhhh, really super-uncool and beneath you and, uh, so, I should, go."
Still Dave said nothing, and it was like talking to a blank wall. Tavros had thought he'd gotten used to Dave's eternal poker-face, but it had been a long time since Dave had completely stone-walled him like this, especially when Tavros was so emotional. And he couldn't stop himself from being emotional, no matter how hard he tried; watery brown tears ran over his cheeks and dripped from his chin in a steady stream, and he could hear his voice cracking and wavering as he spoke.
"I can't even, do anything, you know, physically now," he babbled, driven to fill the void of silence even if he was only making things worse. "I'm just a, a w-worthless waste of space, pretty much, and I'm only, uh, causing you trouble, and I... I r-really, really just... don't, uh, want you to come to, uh, r-resent me..."
"You seriously think I would, what, dump your ass because you can't get off?" Dave interrupted him at last, his tone harsher than anything Tavros had heard from him before. "That I could just drop you off at your place, hey, it's been fun, give me a call if you ever get your legs back? "
"But you said, uh, before, that shit so uncool it, uh, steams, shouldn't be anywhere near you," Tavros reminded him, wishing with all his heart to bury his face in his hands, but he still couldn't look away. "And, you haven't touched me? Uh, at all. Since... since this started... I thought..."
Abruptly Dave got up, planting a hand on the back of the futon and vaulting over it, vanishing in the direction of the kitchen. Tavros was left with his jaw hanging open, stunned and devastated. He hadn't expected Dave to just abscond like that, like he couldn't even stand talking to Tavros anymore. Couldn't even look at him.
Now the sobs were threatening to choke him, but Tavros forced them down as best he could. He could cry himself out once he was alone again, mourn the loss of the best thing that had ever happened to him, sob for the pain of being one short step better than a cull again after believing he'd miraculously escaped his destiny.
A loud crash from the direction of the kitchen startled him, and Tavros placed one hand over his pounding heart, willing it to calm. Then suddenly Dave was there again, standing over him with an ice-cube tray in one hand and a handful of ninja stars in the other, and... why were the knuckles on one hand scraped raw and bleeding?
"W-what," Tavros faltered, and Dave cut him off.
"Here's how this is going down," Dave informed him, moving around the futon to sit on the ground at Tavros' feet, placing the objects he held down beside him. There was an edge to his voice that Tavros had never heard before, angry and upset, as if his facade was cracking. "We are going to do whatever the fuck it takes to make your mind realize that there's not a damn thing wrong with your body. And you are never, ever going to disrespect me like that again, got it?"
"Dis... disrespect you?" Tavros repeated, bewildered. When had he done that?
To his further shock Dave pulled his shades down, enough for him to be able to lock gazes with Tavros. "Ditching the most important person in my life just because he can't put out a hundred percent, just because he suddenly needs a little help now and then, would be the least cool bitch move ever seen in any universe, any timeline. Thinking that I would resent you because this mess is shitty - this mess, not you - is most definitely disrespecting me, to the fucking nth degree. Crystal?"
"Uhhhh..." Tavros felt stunned all over again, but it was a good kind of stunned this time. Like Dave had smacked him over the head with a barrel of disbelieving joy. The most important person? He'd known, mostly, definitely, that Dave cared about him, had feelings for him, because Dave had said as much and lying about that sort of thing probably wasn't cool.
But the most important?
"Yeah," he finally managed to say, voice rasping in his throat for an entirely different reason this time, as he wiped at the fresh tears threatening to spill over. "You're, uh, so clear I can see right through you. In fact, I can't see you, at all, you're so clear."
"Good. Now let's do this," Dave said, shoving his shades back into place and picking up the ice cubes. "We're making this happen."
"Yeah, okay," Tavros agreed, still a little confused but happy to go along with just about anything Dave suggested at the moment. "What are we, uh, making happen, exactly?"
"Aradia said the only reason you can't feel anything in your legs is because you think you shouldn't be able to," Dave reminded him. "So if we can force you to feel something, maybe that'll convince your mind that there's nothing wrong."
"Ohhh," Tavros said, a soft exhalation of understanding. Fragile hope started to rise in his chest, and he didn't want to trust it yet, but he couldn't stop himself from feeling it.
Dave yanked Tavros' shoe and sock, lifted the foot into his lap, and proceeded to run one of the ice cubes over the sole. Tavros stared intently, willing himself to feel it, even calling up the memory of what ice felt like against skin and trying to imagine that he felt it, hoping imagination would lead to the real thing.
Nothing.
Dave persisted until the ice cube was half-melted and his hand was probably numb from cold, but in the end he sighed and set it back in the tray. "Okay. Next step. Sorry in advance, man, but if it works it'll be worth it."
With no further warning than that he picked up one of the throwing stars and jammed it into Tavros' big toe, point first. Tavros sucked in a reflexive breath and winced... and felt nothing. Not even a tiny pinprick of pain. "Damn it," he said, shoulders slumping. "If that didn't work, I don't know what will."
But Dave was looking up at him thoughtfully, his thumb pressed over the sluggishly bleeding cut the weapon had left behind. "Tav. You sure it didn't work?"
"I'm, uh, pretty sure I'd have noticed if I'd felt anything," Tavros replied bitterly, that fragile hope already starting to shatter.
"Uh-huh. Then why'd your foot twitch?"
"It what?" Tavros stared at his foot, then at Dave, half dreading to see the little smirk that would mean the other boy was trolling him. Dave stared right back at him, inscrutable. "But I didn't see it do anything... oh, but, I winced, didn't I?" he realized, breathless as hope surged once more. "I looked away, not because it hurt but, just because it was, uh, a reflex. Are you sure?"
"Sure as sure. Watch," Dave said, and jabbed the star into his toe once more. Tavros stared as hard as he could, but he couldn't detect so much as a flicker of movement, and when he looked up again Dave was frowning. "Huh. That's weird, it totally moved before."
"Maybe... I have to not be looking?" Tavros suggested, clutching at straws. "Maybe, uh, if I can see it then, my mind controls it better?"
"Yeah, maybe. Close your eyes, then, and I won't tell you what I'm doing," Dave said.
As he leaned back and closed his eyes, Tavros half wished the break had been farther up his spine. Then he wouldn't have been able to feel the butterflies doing acrobatic competitions in his stomach. He concentrated on trying to feel whatever Dave was doing, or feeling his foot twitch, but there was still nothing. "Is it, uh, doing anything?"
"Yeah, definitely jumped that time, I don't know how you can't feel that," Dave muttered, and he sounded a little abashed. "Sorry, dude, that mark's probably going to sting for a while when you can feel it again."
"It will be worth it," Tavros assured him fervently. "Now what?"
"Here, lift your hips so I can get your shorts off," Dave ordered him, and Tavros opened his eyes again in surprise. "I wanna see if other spots are more sensitive," the human boy explained impatiently. "I promise I won't damage anywhere too sensitive. Do you trust me or not?"
"Um, yeah, I do," Tavros agreed, a little shyly. Maybe it was silly to be shy with a boy who'd seen him completely naked, who had fisted his bone bulge and stroked it until Tavros was nothing more than a shivering wreck, but the situation was a little different.
With some effort he managed to get his shorts off, leaving him bare to the hot air. He couldn't even feel the heat, or the occasional breeze from the fan. His bulge lay unaroused against his thighs, not even responding as it usually would to the knowledge that Dave was looking at him.
Hastily Tavros shut his eyes again, cheeks flushed hot enough to rival the heat from the weather, not wanting to see the shameful sight. Dave might say he didn't mind if Tavros couldn't feel anything there, couldn't do anything, but...
Firmly he buried the thought. The last thing he ever wanted to do was disrespect Dave.
"You sure you don't feel anything?" Dave asked after a long moment, and he sounded... almost amused.
"Ummm..." Tavros concentrated harder. "No?"
"Yeah, well, your body sure seems to disagree with you," Dave said, and... yes, that was definitely a soft chuckle.
Confused, Tavros opened his eyes, and was confronted with the sight of Dave leaning over his lap, one arm braced across Tavros' thighs and his other hand wrapped firmly around his bulge, stroking. His firm, erect bulge, which was indeed twitching in Dave's grip.
"What? Uh, what?" Tavros stammered, floored. Both by the unexpected intimacy, and by the sight of himself reacting even though he couldn't feel a thing. "But I, uh... I mean, I tried, back then, uh, you know, by myself, and, nothing ever happened!"
"It's all in your head, Tav," Dave reminded him.
And then he leaned down and engulfed the head of Tavros' bone bulge in his mouth, pale pink lips wrapping tight around the engorged flesh. Tavros yelped and squirmed, but Dave clung to him with determination, and Tavros could see his cheeks hollowing as he sucked hard.
"Um. Not that I don't, appreciate it, but, I was kind of, uh, hoping that the first time, we did this, I'd be able to, uh, feel it?" Tavros babbled, barely even able to follow his own train of thought. They'd had sex several times, but it had always been hands or grinding together to completion. He'd been thinking, nervously, of offering to do this for Dave before everything had gone to hell, but he hadn't expected Dave to make the first move. Especially like this.
Dave just made a soft humming noise in response, clearly having no intention of withdrawing just so he could talk. And... Tavros moaned softly as something sent shivers up his spine, and made heat start gathering in his belly. He still couldn't feel it directly - could he? - but there was apparently nothing stopping him from feeling the other sensations of arousal and impending orgasm.
Without thinking he threaded his hands through Dave's hair, urging him on with gentle touches and increasingly urgent moans. It felt very strange to be nearing orgasm with no physical feedback from his bulge, but still good, definitely very good. It took a little longer than he'd have expected, probably because of that lack of feedback, but in the end he felt his muscles tightening and the shivering heat low in his body coiled tight in preparation to explode.
He cried out a strangled warning, but wasn't sure if Dave was listening or not because he'd closed his eyes again. Then he was coming, body shivering with reaction, and... holy gog, sensation hit him like a freight train, as if the feelings had been building up behind a damn that had suddenly burst and freed him. He could feel Dave's tongue against the underside of his bulge, feel the other boy's mouth hot and tight and wet around him, feel himself twitching as his organic material poured out of him.
After a moment Dave pulled back, coughing, but he quickly wrapped his hand around Tavros and continued pumping before Tavros could even manage to protest the loss. Tavros keened with the overwhelming sensation, rocking his hips up into the touch, hands still buried tightly in Dave's hair.
When he was finished he collapsed bonelessly back onto the futon, panting for air and staring up at the ceiling, dazed. "Well?" Dave asked, sounding more than a little smug as if he already knew the answer. "That enough touching for you?"
"I, yeah, gog," Tavros choked out, caught somewhere between laughing hysterically and sobbing his heart out. He tugged, and Dave willingly climbed up onto the futon with him, sitting perched in Tavros' lap facing him. "I can, oh gog, I can feel everything again. But," shyly Tavros peered down at the other boy through his lashes, still confused. "Why, uh, didn't you touch me at all, before?"
"Because you hadn't touched me, dumbass," Dave replied, a touch caustically, and from this close Tavros could see him rolling his eye through the dark lenses. "Didn't even grab my hand for a cuddle when we went to sleep, and that was so freakishly unlike you I figured it meant you needed the space to cope. Like hell I was gonna force myself on you."
"Oh. I... oh." Tavros contemplated that, a little sheepishly. "I thought, you were disgusted? Or something."
Dave punched him on the shoulder hard enough to hurt, but Tavros had been expecting something like that and pretty much agreed that he deserved it. He really, really needed to learn to stop doubting Dave, and he knew that. It was just harder some days than others.
It was hard to believe that it really had all been in his head, but now that the effect was broken he could feel the carpet against the bottoms of his feet, and Dave's weight on his thighs, the rough fabric of his jeans scraping a bit against Tavros' sensitive skin.
He could also feel the heated length of the other boy against his stomach, and he smiled. "I can, uh, make it up to you?" he offered, hands sliding down over Dave's body.
"Damn right you will," Dave agreed, deadpan despite the way Tavros felt his bulge - cock, whatever - twitch against him. "At least if this happens again, we'll know right away how to cure it."
Tavros shivered at the thought, and smiled. It was almost enough to make him hope that it would happen again.
But he'd much rather enjoy the whole thing, not just the end.
Title: The Irony of Dreams
Series: Homestuck
Pairing: Dave Strider/Tavros Nitram
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: m/m sex
Length: 5658
Not all dreams are good memories for Tavros
She was smirking at him. She was smirking, and it wasn't even her normal smug, 'you are lower than the worms in the ground I walk on' look. It was an expression that made him feel like... like...
Prey, whispered a part of his mind that shouldn't exist, because trolls were predators and they shouldn't even know what it felt like to be prey. And maybe he only knew because he'd communed with prey animals, but in that moment, he definitely understood exactly how they felt.
The air rushing past his ears was too loud for him to hear her laugh, and then the cliff rose up enough to cut off the sight of her. Only it wasn't the cliff that was rising, it was him that was falling, falling, and oh gog it was so far but not far enough because the ground was coming up fast...
The impact was enough to knock the breath out of him, and that was the only thing that kept him from screaming. He flailed, shocked that he was still alive to flail, and wheezed with further pain when his arm struck something solid and metal.
Metal?
Though it only took a moment to force his eyes open, his dazed mind required longer than that to actually process what he was seeing. Instead of the sky above his cliffside home, there was a white-painted ceiling above him. A familiar ceiling, one that matched the familiar voice he now realized was calling him over the ringing in his ears.
"Dave?" he managed to gasp out, as he shifted his eyes enough to see the bed he was lying next to. The human youth who would have been his matesprit, except he wasn't allowed to use that word so he didn't, was leaning over the side giving him an ironically amused look Tavros could read despite his shades.
"Tav?" Dave echoed, with exactly the same inflection though not the lack of air. "What the hell, man, did you decide it would be cooler to sleep on the floor after all? After all that bitching about me not wanting to cuddle..."
"No, uh, I don't..." Tavros pushed himself up on his elbows, lifting his head enough to let him shake it without his horns smacking the ground. Unfortunately it didn't do much to clear his thoughts, but the racing of his heart was finally calming as he convinced himself it had only been a dream. "I think I fell out of bed?"
"You fell out of bed," Dave repeated flatly, quirking an eyebrow at him. "What are you, five?"
"Uh, what? What does my age have to do with it?" Tavros asked, even more confused.
"Most people learn not to fall out of bed by the time they're past that age," Dave told him, and Tavros was sure he was rolling his eyes. Not that he could see the other boy's eyes behind his shades, and not that he'd have been able to tell anyway since their dead eyes had no pupil or even really any iris, but he was pretty good at figuring out Dave's expressions now.
"Why do humans, uh, sleep in something that takes them years not to learn to fall out of, anyway?" He asked, pushing himself up a little further. "I dreamed I was falling and I guess I, uh, rolled out of bed. Or maybe I fell and that made me dream about it?" He shuddered a little, willing the memory further from his mind. He hadn't had that dream in a long time, maybe not in the entire time he'd been here with Dave in their bubble.
Maybe it was because he'd had the use of his legs back from the moment he'd died and ended up here, so he hadn't thought much about that moment in forever. But now that their dream selves were dead, their dreams were always memories, so it wasn't really surprising that eventually that particular memory would come back to haunt him. Just to reassure himself that he still could, he wiggled his toes.
Nothing happened.
Dave was talking, probably coming up with a totally sick comeback that would leave Tavros squirming like a grub in embarrassment, but he missed the words as he stared at his feet in shock. Again he tried to wiggle his toes, then to flex his foot, and then to bend his knee. Growing desperate, he tried to move the other leg, any way at all.
Nothing happened.
A low moan filled his ears, but he didn't realize he was the one making it until Dave shook him by the shoulders, forcibly drawing his attention. The shaking continued even after he looked up and Dave let him go, quickly spreading over his whole body. The upper half of his body, anyway. His legs still didn't even twitch. He clamped one hand over his mouth to stifle the sound, or maybe to stop himself from being sick, he wasn't sure, because his stomach was certainly churning enough for him to want to throw up.
"Tav, what the fuck, man?" Under different circumstances, Tavros might have teased his friend for the way concern broke through his customary cool-guy facade, just a bit. At the moment, he was having too much trouble remembering how to breathe.
Somehow he managed to find words, but they didn't seem to want to emerge in any coherent order. "No, I can't, not again, can't be, not like this, oh please gog no, why..."
"Tavros!" Dave sounded caught between concern and irritation, now. "Would you just chill for a second, dude? Take a deep breath. Yeah, that's it, now another," he coaxed as Tavros shakily obeyed his order. "All right, better. Now, you wanna take another stab at telling me what's wrong? In English, this time?"
English? Oh, right, Dave didn't speak the troll language. It was something Tavros had made use of a time or two, when speaking to the other trolls about him, but in his panic he'd forgotten and lapsed into his native tongue.
"I can't... I can't move my legs," he got out between chattering teeth.
"What?" Dave actually shoved his shades up to get a better look at him, like he thought Tavros might be pulling the mother of all pranks on him and it would show in the troll's face if he stared hard enough. "Fuck, are you serious?"
"I was, oh gog, I was dreaming about... ab-bout the night that I fell off the, uh, cliff, and... now I can't move my legs." Tavros was freaking out, but he was pretty sure he was allowed to, when his worst nightmare had just come to life again.
"Well... fuck." That seemed to be the only thing Dave could come up with to answer him. Looking up into his faintly pink-tinted eyes, Tavros couldn't find a better word, either.
Fuck pretty much summed it up.
"Well, the good news is, it's all in your head."
"Uhhh, what?" Tavros stared at Aradia, sure that he'd misheard. All in his head? He knew what it felt like to be paralyzed, and it felt exactly like this. How could it be all in his head?
"Remember when Dave's shoulder was injured, and he woke up healed but still feeling the pain? It's like that," Aradia said gently. Her smile was sympathetic, but Tavros wasn't really feeling comforted. "Your subconscious has been reminded that your back was broken, and so it expects you not to be able to move your feet. So you can't."
"How can you, you know, be so sure?"
"Because the rest of your body hasn't changed," she explained. "If you had truly reverted to the state you were in when you were paralyzed, then you'd look like you were six sweeps again. You don't, so it's not a physical change, just a mental one."
"But I can't feel anything, either," Tavros said, fisting his hands against his inert thighs. He'd pinched himself earlier, hard enough to draw blood even with his artificially blunted claws, and hadn't felt so much as a twinge.
"Because you believe you shouldn't be able to," Aradia insisted.
"So does that mean it'll go away on its own in a couple days, like my shoulder?" Dave asked. He was leaning in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest in a classic coolkid pose, and anyone else might have thought he didn't care one way or the other about the whole thing. Tavros could see the worry in the tense set of his muscles.
"That's the bad news, I'm afraid," Aradia said, almost apologetic. "Your subconscious knew that your arm would heal eventually, and so it did. But..."
"Spines don't heal," Tavros whispered, finished the sentence for her. He was shaking again, hard enough to rattle his teeth, hard enough that the bed frame squeaked in protest beneath him. "My, uh, subconscious knows that, so... it won't ever heal?"
The thought was beyond terrifying. It was scarier than when they'd faced the final boss, scarier than when the demon Jack had first appeared and ruined their session. Scarier even than the moment when Vriska had run him through with his own lance, tossing him off the edge into the abyss.
"No, fuck that, that shit is not cool," Dave proclaimed, pushing away from the doorframe, staring between Aradia and Tavros. "That shit is so uncool it is a steaming pile of shit. My bubble, my rules, and my rules say nothing that uncool is allowed to exist within a hundred mile radius of here. Fuck. No."
Tavros hadn't thought it would be possible for him to feel any worse, but Dave's words ate into his chest like the other boy was trying to physically tear his heart out. Aradia and Dave were still talking, but the sound of the words was drowned out by the buzzing in Tavros' ears. He hunched in on himself, reflexively trying to pull his knees up to his chest to hide against, and choking on a sob when he couldn't.
There was always a part of him, a small part that he tried hard to defeat with his Confidence but which never went away completely, that worried that he wasn't good enough for Dave. That he wasn't cool enough, awesome enough, that eventually Dave would get tired of him and his constant clinging and insecurities. He knew, he knew that Dave cared about him, but the fact that it was nearly impossible to get the coolkid to actually say so made Tavros doubt, just a little.
Now that doubt was exploding in his chest, threatening to eat him alive. Of course Dave wouldn't want to have to coddle a cripple for the rest of their unlife. Of course he wouldn't want to be forced to haul Tavros from the bedroom to the living room and back again, let alone help him do things like use the ablution trap or the load gaper.
Of course he wouldn't want a - boyfriend, matesprit, lover, whatever - who couldn't even feel his own equipment below the waist, let alone do anything with it.
"Equius," he blurted out desperately, struggling hard not to give in to the sobs clawing their way up his throat. "Equius could, uh, build me legs, again?" Getting his legs hacked off with a chainsaw had definitely been one of the worst experiences of his entire life, but maybe it wouldn't be so bad if Dave did it with his sword, instead? It wouldn't solve the problem of them not being able to have sex, but maybe that wouldn't be a deal breaker by itself?
"Unfortunately, while that might work in the short term, the first time you slept your body would reset itself again, and you'd have your legs back," Aradia reminded him. "You'd have to go through the process every time you sleep."
"That, uh, doesn't sound appealing, no," he conceded, wincing. He could stand it once more, if he had to. But over and over and over again? And even if he tried to stay awake forever, which he technically could in the bubble, he'd probably fall asleep of sheer boredom at some point, while Dave was sleeping if nothing else.
"My arm healed a lot faster than it 'should' have," Dave said, arms crossed again and his 'uncaring' facade mostly back in place. "And you said that was 'cause I was using the arm like it wasn't hurt, and that convinced my mind that it really wasn't. So all we have to do is convince his body that his nerves are working just fine, am I right?"
"That might work," Aradia said, nodding with a hopeful expression. "And also, the next time you sleep you might reset, Tavros, since you will most likely dream of a time when you could use your legs just fine."
He perked up at that. "Yeah, that, uh, that seems like a good possibility. I'm going to, just go to sleep right now, then." With renewed determination he pushed himself down on the bed until he was lying flat, burrowing into the covers. He'd only woken up a little while ago, and he wasn't in the least sleepy after the adrenaline terror of discovering his legs weren't working, but he would darn well lie there and count woolbeasts forever if he had to.
"Uh, good night?" he prompted when the other two just stood there blinking at him, like they were surprised by his actions.
Dave made a muffled sound that might have been him covering a chuckle, or might equally have been him biting off a curse. Aradia didn't bother to hide her soft giggle. "Good night, then, Tavros," she said, leaning over to kiss him gently on the forehead. He blushed a little and mumbled something in return, pulling the sheet up over his face despite the heat, so she wouldn't see.
Strong fingers brushed over his where he clutched the sheet, too callused to belong to Aradia, surely. But when he peeked out from under the sheet again, he found himself alone in the room, door shut and lights off.
Biting his lip and hoping he hadn't imagined that brief, comforting contact, Tavros closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep.
Two 'days' later, whatever that meant in this strange place where time did not exist, Tavros was well past frantic and into full-blown panic. He hadn't managed to do more than doze that first morning, and when he'd awoken just as paralyzed as when he'd laid down, he'd shakily assured himself that it was only because he hadn't slept properly. Since then, however, he'd slept twice, and there was no sign of improvement in his condition.
Likely because all of his dreams had been either focused on that moment on the cliff, or during the sweep that had followed, when he'd been learning to live with his handicap. There was no way to direct his dreaming, and perhaps because his predicament was all he could think about, it was also all he could dream about.
A quick trip by Dave to Tavros' hive had yielded his old wheeled transportation device, but to Tavros' dismay it proved too bulky for the narrow halls and doorways of Dave's apartment. Tavros was forced to let Dave carry him from one room to another, and he refused to eat or drink anything so he would at least be spared the utter humiliation of needing Dave to help him use the load gaper.
Dave bore it all stoically, his face as unreadable as ever, though Tavros could feel the tension in his body when he carried the troll somewhere and it wasn't all from the strain of effort. Beyond that first outburst he never said a word to make Tavros think he resented the necessity, but Tavros was certain that he must. Finally the troll couldn't take it any longer.
"I should g-go," he stammered miserably as Dave settled him onto the futon in the living room.
"What, you wanna go back to the bedroom already?" Dave asked, raising an eyebrow at him behind his shades. "I just got you out here, dude. Or are you getting off on having a cool kid like me waiting on you hand and foot? I guess I can't blame you..."
"No, no, that's, uh, that's not it at all," Tavros exclaimed, horrified that Dave would think that. Getting off on it? "I would never, that's completely, and anyway I can't even, uhhhh... I wouldn't do that." He was blushing horribly again, he was sure of it. The subject of his inability to 'perform' hadn't come up, largely because of the fact that Dave hadn't so much as touched him since this had started, except to carry him from one place to another or help him make himself comfortable where he sat. Tavros didn't really want to bring it up now.
Especially since the realization of the uncharacteristic lack of contact only made him all the more certain that he was wearing out his welcome. Dave was far from being the touchy-feely type - as he liked to describe Tavros' constant desire for physical contact - but normally he was a willing and even eager initiator in their daily make-out sessions.
"I should go," he repeated, hunching his shoulders and curling up on himself as best he could. "To my, uh, own hive or something. It's stupid, for you to have to carry me like this."
"Dude, we've been over this, we are not living in your hive," Dave said, rolling his eyes as he sat on the futon next to Tavros. "Way too much of your shit is biological, it's fucking gross over there, slime and eggshells and god knows what everywhere. Just, no."
Gulping, Tavros looked down, because it was nearly killing him to say this and he knew he wouldn't be able to do it while looking at Dave. "I didn't mean, that you should come with me," he mumbled, barely able to force the words past the lump in his throat.
There was no answer for so long that Tavros started to wonder if Dave had even heard him. But if he hadn't, he'd have been saying something else by now, right? The silence stretched out until Tavros was ready to snap from tension, and finally he just had to look up.
He found Dave staring back at him through the ever-present shades, expression completely flat. The moment he saw that he had Tavros' attention he spoke, a single word, voice devoid of emotion. "Why."
"B-because..." Oh, gog, he was going to start crying, but now that his eyes were locked with Dave's he couldn't seem to look away again. "You shouldn't, have to do this, it's, uhhh, really super-uncool and beneath you and, uh, so, I should, go."
Still Dave said nothing, and it was like talking to a blank wall. Tavros had thought he'd gotten used to Dave's eternal poker-face, but it had been a long time since Dave had completely stone-walled him like this, especially when Tavros was so emotional. And he couldn't stop himself from being emotional, no matter how hard he tried; watery brown tears ran over his cheeks and dripped from his chin in a steady stream, and he could hear his voice cracking and wavering as he spoke.
"I can't even, do anything, you know, physically now," he babbled, driven to fill the void of silence even if he was only making things worse. "I'm just a, a w-worthless waste of space, pretty much, and I'm only, uh, causing you trouble, and I... I r-really, really just... don't, uh, want you to come to, uh, r-resent me..."
"You seriously think I would, what, dump your ass because you can't get off?" Dave interrupted him at last, his tone harsher than anything Tavros had heard from him before. "That I could just drop you off at your place, hey, it's been fun, give me a call if you ever get your legs back? "
"But you said, uh, before, that shit so uncool it, uh, steams, shouldn't be anywhere near you," Tavros reminded him, wishing with all his heart to bury his face in his hands, but he still couldn't look away. "And, you haven't touched me? Uh, at all. Since... since this started... I thought..."
Abruptly Dave got up, planting a hand on the back of the futon and vaulting over it, vanishing in the direction of the kitchen. Tavros was left with his jaw hanging open, stunned and devastated. He hadn't expected Dave to just abscond like that, like he couldn't even stand talking to Tavros anymore. Couldn't even look at him.
Now the sobs were threatening to choke him, but Tavros forced them down as best he could. He could cry himself out once he was alone again, mourn the loss of the best thing that had ever happened to him, sob for the pain of being one short step better than a cull again after believing he'd miraculously escaped his destiny.
A loud crash from the direction of the kitchen startled him, and Tavros placed one hand over his pounding heart, willing it to calm. Then suddenly Dave was there again, standing over him with an ice-cube tray in one hand and a handful of ninja stars in the other, and... why were the knuckles on one hand scraped raw and bleeding?
"W-what," Tavros faltered, and Dave cut him off.
"Here's how this is going down," Dave informed him, moving around the futon to sit on the ground at Tavros' feet, placing the objects he held down beside him. There was an edge to his voice that Tavros had never heard before, angry and upset, as if his facade was cracking. "We are going to do whatever the fuck it takes to make your mind realize that there's not a damn thing wrong with your body. And you are never, ever going to disrespect me like that again, got it?"
"Dis... disrespect you?" Tavros repeated, bewildered. When had he done that?
To his further shock Dave pulled his shades down, enough for him to be able to lock gazes with Tavros. "Ditching the most important person in my life just because he can't put out a hundred percent, just because he suddenly needs a little help now and then, would be the least cool bitch move ever seen in any universe, any timeline. Thinking that I would resent you because this mess is shitty - this mess, not you - is most definitely disrespecting me, to the fucking nth degree. Crystal?"
"Uhhhh..." Tavros felt stunned all over again, but it was a good kind of stunned this time. Like Dave had smacked him over the head with a barrel of disbelieving joy. The most important person? He'd known, mostly, definitely, that Dave cared about him, had feelings for him, because Dave had said as much and lying about that sort of thing probably wasn't cool.
But the most important?
"Yeah," he finally managed to say, voice rasping in his throat for an entirely different reason this time, as he wiped at the fresh tears threatening to spill over. "You're, uh, so clear I can see right through you. In fact, I can't see you, at all, you're so clear."
"Good. Now let's do this," Dave said, shoving his shades back into place and picking up the ice cubes. "We're making this happen."
"Yeah, okay," Tavros agreed, still a little confused but happy to go along with just about anything Dave suggested at the moment. "What are we, uh, making happen, exactly?"
"Aradia said the only reason you can't feel anything in your legs is because you think you shouldn't be able to," Dave reminded him. "So if we can force you to feel something, maybe that'll convince your mind that there's nothing wrong."
"Ohhh," Tavros said, a soft exhalation of understanding. Fragile hope started to rise in his chest, and he didn't want to trust it yet, but he couldn't stop himself from feeling it.
Dave yanked Tavros' shoe and sock, lifted the foot into his lap, and proceeded to run one of the ice cubes over the sole. Tavros stared intently, willing himself to feel it, even calling up the memory of what ice felt like against skin and trying to imagine that he felt it, hoping imagination would lead to the real thing.
Nothing.
Dave persisted until the ice cube was half-melted and his hand was probably numb from cold, but in the end he sighed and set it back in the tray. "Okay. Next step. Sorry in advance, man, but if it works it'll be worth it."
With no further warning than that he picked up one of the throwing stars and jammed it into Tavros' big toe, point first. Tavros sucked in a reflexive breath and winced... and felt nothing. Not even a tiny pinprick of pain. "Damn it," he said, shoulders slumping. "If that didn't work, I don't know what will."
But Dave was looking up at him thoughtfully, his thumb pressed over the sluggishly bleeding cut the weapon had left behind. "Tav. You sure it didn't work?"
"I'm, uh, pretty sure I'd have noticed if I'd felt anything," Tavros replied bitterly, that fragile hope already starting to shatter.
"Uh-huh. Then why'd your foot twitch?"
"It what?" Tavros stared at his foot, then at Dave, half dreading to see the little smirk that would mean the other boy was trolling him. Dave stared right back at him, inscrutable. "But I didn't see it do anything... oh, but, I winced, didn't I?" he realized, breathless as hope surged once more. "I looked away, not because it hurt but, just because it was, uh, a reflex. Are you sure?"
"Sure as sure. Watch," Dave said, and jabbed the star into his toe once more. Tavros stared as hard as he could, but he couldn't detect so much as a flicker of movement, and when he looked up again Dave was frowning. "Huh. That's weird, it totally moved before."
"Maybe... I have to not be looking?" Tavros suggested, clutching at straws. "Maybe, uh, if I can see it then, my mind controls it better?"
"Yeah, maybe. Close your eyes, then, and I won't tell you what I'm doing," Dave said.
As he leaned back and closed his eyes, Tavros half wished the break had been farther up his spine. Then he wouldn't have been able to feel the butterflies doing acrobatic competitions in his stomach. He concentrated on trying to feel whatever Dave was doing, or feeling his foot twitch, but there was still nothing. "Is it, uh, doing anything?"
"Yeah, definitely jumped that time, I don't know how you can't feel that," Dave muttered, and he sounded a little abashed. "Sorry, dude, that mark's probably going to sting for a while when you can feel it again."
"It will be worth it," Tavros assured him fervently. "Now what?"
"Here, lift your hips so I can get your shorts off," Dave ordered him, and Tavros opened his eyes again in surprise. "I wanna see if other spots are more sensitive," the human boy explained impatiently. "I promise I won't damage anywhere too sensitive. Do you trust me or not?"
"Um, yeah, I do," Tavros agreed, a little shyly. Maybe it was silly to be shy with a boy who'd seen him completely naked, who had fisted his bone bulge and stroked it until Tavros was nothing more than a shivering wreck, but the situation was a little different.
With some effort he managed to get his shorts off, leaving him bare to the hot air. He couldn't even feel the heat, or the occasional breeze from the fan. His bulge lay unaroused against his thighs, not even responding as it usually would to the knowledge that Dave was looking at him.
Hastily Tavros shut his eyes again, cheeks flushed hot enough to rival the heat from the weather, not wanting to see the shameful sight. Dave might say he didn't mind if Tavros couldn't feel anything there, couldn't do anything, but...
Firmly he buried the thought. The last thing he ever wanted to do was disrespect Dave.
"You sure you don't feel anything?" Dave asked after a long moment, and he sounded... almost amused.
"Ummm..." Tavros concentrated harder. "No?"
"Yeah, well, your body sure seems to disagree with you," Dave said, and... yes, that was definitely a soft chuckle.
Confused, Tavros opened his eyes, and was confronted with the sight of Dave leaning over his lap, one arm braced across Tavros' thighs and his other hand wrapped firmly around his bulge, stroking. His firm, erect bulge, which was indeed twitching in Dave's grip.
"What? Uh, what?" Tavros stammered, floored. Both by the unexpected intimacy, and by the sight of himself reacting even though he couldn't feel a thing. "But I, uh... I mean, I tried, back then, uh, you know, by myself, and, nothing ever happened!"
"It's all in your head, Tav," Dave reminded him.
And then he leaned down and engulfed the head of Tavros' bone bulge in his mouth, pale pink lips wrapping tight around the engorged flesh. Tavros yelped and squirmed, but Dave clung to him with determination, and Tavros could see his cheeks hollowing as he sucked hard.
"Um. Not that I don't, appreciate it, but, I was kind of, uh, hoping that the first time, we did this, I'd be able to, uh, feel it?" Tavros babbled, barely even able to follow his own train of thought. They'd had sex several times, but it had always been hands or grinding together to completion. He'd been thinking, nervously, of offering to do this for Dave before everything had gone to hell, but he hadn't expected Dave to make the first move. Especially like this.
Dave just made a soft humming noise in response, clearly having no intention of withdrawing just so he could talk. And... Tavros moaned softly as something sent shivers up his spine, and made heat start gathering in his belly. He still couldn't feel it directly - could he? - but there was apparently nothing stopping him from feeling the other sensations of arousal and impending orgasm.
Without thinking he threaded his hands through Dave's hair, urging him on with gentle touches and increasingly urgent moans. It felt very strange to be nearing orgasm with no physical feedback from his bulge, but still good, definitely very good. It took a little longer than he'd have expected, probably because of that lack of feedback, but in the end he felt his muscles tightening and the shivering heat low in his body coiled tight in preparation to explode.
He cried out a strangled warning, but wasn't sure if Dave was listening or not because he'd closed his eyes again. Then he was coming, body shivering with reaction, and... holy gog, sensation hit him like a freight train, as if the feelings had been building up behind a damn that had suddenly burst and freed him. He could feel Dave's tongue against the underside of his bulge, feel the other boy's mouth hot and tight and wet around him, feel himself twitching as his organic material poured out of him.
After a moment Dave pulled back, coughing, but he quickly wrapped his hand around Tavros and continued pumping before Tavros could even manage to protest the loss. Tavros keened with the overwhelming sensation, rocking his hips up into the touch, hands still buried tightly in Dave's hair.
When he was finished he collapsed bonelessly back onto the futon, panting for air and staring up at the ceiling, dazed. "Well?" Dave asked, sounding more than a little smug as if he already knew the answer. "That enough touching for you?"
"I, yeah, gog," Tavros choked out, caught somewhere between laughing hysterically and sobbing his heart out. He tugged, and Dave willingly climbed up onto the futon with him, sitting perched in Tavros' lap facing him. "I can, oh gog, I can feel everything again. But," shyly Tavros peered down at the other boy through his lashes, still confused. "Why, uh, didn't you touch me at all, before?"
"Because you hadn't touched me, dumbass," Dave replied, a touch caustically, and from this close Tavros could see him rolling his eye through the dark lenses. "Didn't even grab my hand for a cuddle when we went to sleep, and that was so freakishly unlike you I figured it meant you needed the space to cope. Like hell I was gonna force myself on you."
"Oh. I... oh." Tavros contemplated that, a little sheepishly. "I thought, you were disgusted? Or something."
Dave punched him on the shoulder hard enough to hurt, but Tavros had been expecting something like that and pretty much agreed that he deserved it. He really, really needed to learn to stop doubting Dave, and he knew that. It was just harder some days than others.
It was hard to believe that it really had all been in his head, but now that the effect was broken he could feel the carpet against the bottoms of his feet, and Dave's weight on his thighs, the rough fabric of his jeans scraping a bit against Tavros' sensitive skin.
He could also feel the heated length of the other boy against his stomach, and he smiled. "I can, uh, make it up to you?" he offered, hands sliding down over Dave's body.
"Damn right you will," Dave agreed, deadpan despite the way Tavros felt his bulge - cock, whatever - twitch against him. "At least if this happens again, we'll know right away how to cure it."
Tavros shivered at the thought, and smiled. It was almost enough to make him hope that it would happen again.
But he'd much rather enjoy the whole thing, not just the end.
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Your work is just wonderful~